She found herself heading to Gan's quarters. When she got there, the door was open and a figure was sitting on the bed in the darkness, his head in his hands. For a moment, she was a superstitious free trader, then she realised it was Blake.
She sat on the bed beside him. He looked up. "I'm glad it's you. I somehow doubt Avon would understand."
"Cally would." said Jenna, "Vila too. You're not alone."
Blake nodded. "What brings you here?"
"I miss him." she said, "We used to talk a lot."
"Gan was easy to talk to."
"Easier than you, anyway." she said, not entirely joking.
"Fanatics are hard work, aren't they?" said Blake.
"We're none of us here by choice, we all know that, but if I could change the crew, I wouldn't change any of you." said Jenna.
She smiled. "I quite like Avon. I admit, he's untrustworthy, selfish, cold and aloof, but his sarcasm's worse than his spite."
Blake's sad expression gave way to a tentative smile. "Do you think he'll keep reminding me about Gan?"
"I doubt it. He's established his position on Gan's death. To pursue it further would be sentiment. Besides, for all his talk of leaving you, he did modify the teleport to bring you back to us."
"I knew he would consider leaving. I thought you might all agree with him."
Jenna patted his knee in what she hoped seemed a friendly, rather than over-friendly gesture. "You're a difficult man to leave."
"Gan would still be alive if he hadn't been with us."
"Gan would be on Cygnus Alpha. I don't call that living. None of us can hope for a long life. The best we can hope for is fun and friendship while life lasts and a death that means something. Gan had all that. He lost his wife. He had no-one left. We were the next best thing to a family. He knew we loved him. He loved us in return. He died for us. That counts as a good death from my side of the scanner."
"Do you know the last thing he said to me? He said, 'I'm not worth dying for.'"
That sounded like the Gan Jenna knew. She nodded. "He never knew what he meant to us, did he?"
"I don't know if any of you know what you mean to me." said Blake, "I agree with you. There is no-one on this ship I would rather be without."
Jenna tried to work out if Blake was trying to say more than the words contained, but she decided he wasn't.
He went on, "Vila is going to miss Gan a lot."
"So are you." said Jenna.
"An honest man." said Blake quietly, "Yes, I'm going to miss him."
"He believed in you, Blake. He believed we could win."
"Do you believe it?" he asked. He looked at her, his eyes searching hers.
"I doubted, after Gan was killed. Avon enjoyed my doubt."
"I bet he did. What ended it? Assuming it did end."
Jenna reached out to pick up a small agate pendant from the table. "Gan used to sell these. Innocent, isn't it? But innocence is no protection. He still saw his wife murdered."
"You didn't answer my question." Blake observed.
She put the pendant into Blake's hand. "I decided I still think there's a chance. Besides, you were in trouble. I don't run out on friends."
"Or get them crushed beneath blast doors."
She took hold of his wrist. "Not your fault!" she said.
"We both know it was. Then I left him."
"When he was dead."
"Yes, when he was dead because of me."
She replied more fiercely, more loudly than she had intended. "They killed him, Blake! They've killed everyone we care about. They crush and kill and steal and only we can stand up to them and fight back. Gan knew that. He wanted to be part of the fight."
"If another of you were to die ..."
"Avon's a survivor. Cally can look after herself as well as you can. Vila is cleverer than he seems and plans to outlive us all, if only to say, 'I told you so.'"
Jenna smiled, moved by the concern in his eyes and voice. "I take a lot of killing." she said, "We've lost Gan, but we have each other. We may not win, but we can at least make disposing of us very expensive."
"Avon is now convinced he is right."
"You think he wasn't before?"
Blake took her hand. "Thanks, Jenna."
She squeezed his hand and smiled.